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Mama Story: Cejay

Mama Story: Cejay

May 31, 2016

Our next #minttobemama story is Cejay's- I made her a courageous mama necklace because she is a courageous overcomer, and such a strong mama! 

As a mama who has also had a c section, her story touched me. Yes, she has healthy babies, but she should still be allowed to grieve that her birth didn't happen they way she envisioned it. And the best thing about her story is that she has overcome and is such a champion! She is NOT a failure-she is a wonderful mama who faces challenges with the fierceness of a mama bear who loves her cubs so much!

My favourite thing about Cejay? She faces her struggles and her vulnerability with such courage. She is real, raw, and honest. To me, that is so inspiring, and I hope she inspires you too!

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Here is her story written by her: 

My story is one of failure, one that no matter how many times people say "but you delivered healthy babies" it does not fix the fact that I feel I failed as a woman. My first pregnancy was a whirlwind, I found out I was pregnant when i went in for a tonsillectomy (surprise...you're 13 weeks and 6 days pregnant)... Not only had I not been expecting this news, but i was in month 3 of the worst case of pneumonia and tonsillitis you could imagine and had been heavily medicated for those 3 months. Needless to say, no surgery took place that day (my tonsils and I are still together and going strong) and I stopped taking any medication that day (no more codeine cough syrup for this mama to be). Fast forward 20ish weeks I was just barely 8 months pregnant and swollen beyond recognition (my cankles had cankles). Most of my doctors visits had been normal up until now, only a slight spike in my blood pressure until my mother started to question the readings of my blood pressure and began monitoring it at home. Turns out the nurse at my doctor's office hadn't been taking accurate readings, my blood pressure was extremely elevated and I was told I had preeclampsia and placed on bedrest. One week later I found myself being checked in to the hospital with plans to bring my blood pressure down with copious amounts of medication (oh joy). Attempts to induce labor were made, but failed... My blood pressure was 190/160 at this point and the only option was to deliver my little 35 week bundle. No contractions. No waiting for my water to break. No labor. No excitement. Emergency c-section was my only option. I was terrified. Fast forward an hour and I was in the operating room in a complete haze. It took 6 minutes... 6 minutes to cut into me... 6 minutes to forcibly remove a child from me... My child. A little girl who i did not meet until 7 hours and 54 minutes later. This was the first time my body failed me. On to my second pregnancy. Immediately upon finding out I was pregnant my blood pressure was on the rise. I tried everything to keep it down (diet, medications, positive thinking) nothing worked. I was well on my way to preeclampsia. I was monitored closely by my doctor and a specialist, and had hopes of having a VBAC. But this was not in the cards. I was told I needed to schedule a c-section and was given the task of picking the day my child would be born (how weird is that?!) My dream of natural child birth would be ripped away from me for a second time. Unfortunately all my fighting with the doctor for a VBAC and hoping to go into labor did not pay off. Preeclampsia struck again. I was on two different medications 3 times a day attempting to control my blood pressure, and at 39 weeks I was on the same operating table for my second c-section. My heart was completely broken. Two pregnancies and not once did I experience the joy (and pain) of labor. I carried two beautiful babies... I kept them safe... I grew them to absolute perfection... I did everything right. The grand finale of pregnancy was taken away from me. Twice. My own body failed me. Twice. I still cry when I think of my delivery experiences, they are not the happy tears of reflections, they are not tears full of pride in my accomplishments. They are full of pain... sadness... disappointment in myself. I failed at the one thing my body was made to do. In my eyes I failed at being a woman. I am not sure if the disappointment I feel in myself will ever subside; but I have come to accept that failing is part of life, you have to go on and keep living. I am blessed to have two beautiful girls that won't see the disappointment, they will see a mom who sometimes fails, but always keeps trying."

 

Thank you Cejay, for sharing this beautiful story of courage for us. 

I hope that each of the stories we will be featuring inspires, uplifts and perhaps brings happy tears to your eyes. If you're interested in a chance to be being featured (you'll receive a necklace if you become featured!)- please send your story to:
jessica {at} mintandbirch (dot) com! 

We are looking for stories that show the beauty, tribulations and trials, and the raw emotions that motherhood brings. We want to showcase and celebrate motherhood- the good and the bad. We want to celebrate YOU. We want to hear from real mamas like you! And in exchange, we will send out a necklace as a gift. The reason why I'm doing this is because I LOVE making jewellery for others. This is the reason we started our business, and we want to honour and love on you mamas! If you have already submitted a story and have not heard back, please don't fret! We are going to be reading every email that comes in. I wish I could feature and gift every mama that sends in a story, but it's a little hard to, but I will do my best to do this regularly and frequently!

xo!
jessica



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